Monster Ballads 9

Wassup! Mr. Hyde here! Oh, you thought I was Dr. Jekyll? lol no! I’m Mr. “smoke em if you got em” Hyde. Mr. Party. Mr. Sexual Relations. Mr. 420! 

Yeah, I know I look like Dr. Jekyll. I get that a lot. Except it’d be more accurate to say I look like his son because I’m so much younger. He’s 52, and I’m like, what? 19? He walks around like a dork in that lab coat and I’m over here repping in my jean pants. If Dr. J walked in on one of the raves at my house he’d lose his mind! He couldn’t handle all the fly gals and fat blunts and 40 ouncers of brewski strewn carelessly about my pad.

Listen, dudes and dudettes - I gotta skedaddle. Me and my bros are gonna go grab a carton of stogies and see Genesis in concert. Real quick before I go, though: I really think y'all should check out this sick Halloween compilation called Monster Ballads 9. It's a very hip, very NOW compilation that is in NO WAY affiliated with Dr. "Nerd Alert" Jekyll. This is some hard core, rap-metal, swing revival, Woodstock '94, flavored seltzer water type of stuff here, ya dig? Hyde out!

Track Listing:

1. Grima Wormtongue - Headless Skelly

2. Goratorium - Corpse Spooker

3. Dracula's Maze - The Moriarties

4. Bloodmobile - Kid Dukus

5. Saving My Candy - Compliance

6. Guided Meditation - Hard Barfer

7. Aliens Bathe in Body Parts - The Moriarties

Monster Ballads 8

The number 8. Where does it begin and where does it end? 

When we hear those fateful words “back to Pat,” how far back will we journey? Do we go back three years, via the River Styx? Or perhaps even back to before Earth’s greatest monsters had cause to lament? Or maybe just back to the first song on the playlist.

Will the monster and bride be free when untethered from electricity, or will they find themselves unable to live without it? Have Jack Torrance and his Five always been the caretakers of the house the poltergeist haunts? What will Dracula do with his blank slate? Will he change his course, or slip into the darkness once more? If we venture in the woods to find the Rougarou, will we really find ourselves? Are the real monsters without…or within? Or are they a demon’s dream?

Do "Moriarties" and "The Moriarties" exist in the same reality?

It has been a pleasure speaking to you.

Track Listing:
1. What About BOB? - Kid Dukus
2. Monster and Bride (Unplugged) - Hard Barfer
3. Blood Ritual - Blood Bank feat. Fang$, Succubitch, AB Negative & Red Reaper
4. Dracula Rasa - Scariel Black
5. In The Woods - The Moriarties
6. Poltergeist - The Jack Torrance Five
7. Aaahhh!!...Real Monsters!! - Handsome Ass Dan feat. Chore Boy & Rahim Salaam
8. Rougarou - Hemlock
9. Mandy - The Widowers
10. Demon Dreamin' - Patrick Gibbens & The Moriarties feat. Patrick Gibbons

Monster Ballads 7

You're still with us...that's good. Listen to the sounds.

Track Listing:
1. Frankenstein in Hollywood - Two Corinthians
2. Terrifying, Horrifying Halloween - Hard Barfer
3. Your Cryogenically Frozen Head - The Special Purpose
4. Seance - Julie Williams and The Sparkle Boys
5. Clink 'N Clide - Sheeby and Groofy
6. Awake in Fright - Compliance
7. Suck You Dry - Blood Bank (ft. Count Money, Fang$ and Succubitch)
8. Kawliga - The Lagoons
9. The Hole in the Wall - Dorian Phibian
10. Lonely Cannibal - Donna Wayward
11. Frasier Has Left the Building - Night School Soundtrack

Monster Ballads 666

Time to kick those demonic feet up, warm up a cup of evil hot cocoa, and snuggle up (malevolently) with this year's Monster Ballads! It'll make you tap your toes fiendishly and put a gentle yet hellish smile on your sweet little diabolical face. Love ya, Babe!

Track Listing:

1. The Wolf is a Low-Down, Dirty Dog - Christopher Slim

2. Knowhutimean, Virgil? - Two Corinthians

3. Cabin Fever - The Jack Torrance Five

4. Haunting The Dead - Paul Lauve & Darby Clarke

5. Manticore - The Big Cats

6. Thriller - Lipperskip

7. Love Theme from Monster Ballads - Biddable Beast & Moriarties

      

Monster Ballads V

Reviews have been pouring in from all over the monster world for Monster Ballads V!

"Me like good songs monsters ha ha life make no sense why me here me shouldn't exist." -Frankenstein's Monster

"Did I listen to it yet? I can't seem to remember. I have my head phones on and I'm in a great mood, so I must have. It's hazy, though. Hey, where is that gravedigger I was chatting with a minute ago?" - Wolf Man

"I love playing Monster Ballads for the gals I kidnap!" - Phantom of the Opera, Creature from the Black Lagoon, King Kong, Robot Monster, assorted Martians, and many, many more.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. Hey, look over there! What?! I wasn't lunging at your neck! You're paranoid! What could I get from your neck anyway?! All you've got in that dumb ol' neck is a bunch of blood! A bunch of...wonderful...warm, deliciousAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHaaaaaaaaaaaa oh, dammit, sorry. What were we talking about anyway? Oh yeah, Monster Ballads 5. Yeah, sure, it's good. Whatever." - Dracula

"No comment" -The Blob

Track Listing:
1.   The Lonely Ballad of the Likeness Monster - Patrick Gibbens & The River Styx (But Not The Band Styx)
2.   The Blob - Hard Barfer
3.   Fatal Flower Garden - Probably a Ghost
4.   Caveman Fight, Caveman Win - Darby B. Clarke
5.   The Hitchhiker - Sheeby and Groofy
6.   Pizza Party of Terror - The Big Cats
7.   Drag Me to Hell - The Jack Torrance Five
8.   Shout at the Devil - Lipperskip
9.   Monsters of Blow - Psychic Privates
10. A Grin Without a Face - Wet He-People (feat. Stuart Welch)
11. Halloween Tonight- The Moriarties

Monster Ballads IV

Dear Herb,

I hope this letter finds you well. I haven't heard from you since that night so I'm worried you're mad at me. Honestly, you have every right to be. I should have told you about my... problem. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be friends any more if you knew. But, since you were there when it happened this time, I guess the jig is up. During full moons I black out and when I come to I can’t remember what happened during the trance. I’m sure I act like a real idiot! Sorry you had to see that, Herb. It must have been a real humdinger this time because when I came out of it I had a severed human arm in my mouth. Oh, it was a gag arm, of course! I mean, it had to have been, right? It did look very realistic, though. The shirt sleeve on it was exactly like the shirt you had been wearing. I tried to find you to tell you about it, but I guess you left. You put that gag arm in my mouth, right? I know how much you love practical jokes. Classic Herb! I just wish you’d pick up your phone so I could tell you how funny it was. I’ve gone by your house and your car’s there but you don't seem to be answering the door. Your mail's really piling up, Herb. Also there are a bunch of newspapers stacked up on your driveway. I counted them and there were 12 papers - exactly the amount of days since that night.

Anyway, listen, Herb, the main reason I'm writing is to tell you about this great compilation of Halloween songs called Monster Ballads 4!

Track Listing:
1. The Opposite Song - Danny Devillier, with Jesse Lalonde & Leah Graeff
2. Mummy - Hard Barfer
3. The Silhouette - The Moriarties
4. Swamp Thang - Dorian Phibian vs Swash Bucklin
5. One of Those Places - Bates Motel Players
6. Room 237 - The Jack Torrance Five
7. Tickle Monster - Ship Clock
8. Dying to Meet You - D Duo
9. Slip Into The Darkness (A Reluctant Vampire Ballad) - Alex V. Cook
10. Satan, Laughing, Spreads His Wings - Lipperskip