Monster Ballads IV

Dear Herb,

I hope this letter finds you well. I haven't heard from you since that night so I'm worried you're mad at me. Honestly, you have every right to be. I should have told you about my... problem. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be friends any more if you knew. But, since you were there when it happened this time, I guess the jig is up. During full moons I black out and when I come to I can’t remember what happened during the trance. I’m sure I act like a real idiot! Sorry you had to see that, Herb. It must have been a real humdinger this time because when I came out of it I had a severed human arm in my mouth. Oh, it was a gag arm, of course! I mean, it had to have been, right? It did look very realistic, though. The shirt sleeve on it was exactly like the shirt you had been wearing. I tried to find you to tell you about it, but I guess you left. You put that gag arm in my mouth, right? I know how much you love practical jokes. Classic Herb! I just wish you’d pick up your phone so I could tell you how funny it was. I’ve gone by your house and your car’s there but you don't seem to be answering the door. Your mail's really piling up, Herb. Also there are a bunch of newspapers stacked up on your driveway. I counted them and there were 12 papers - exactly the amount of days since that night.

Anyway, listen, Herb, the main reason I'm writing is to tell you about this great compilation of Halloween songs called Monster Ballads 4!

Track Listing:
1. The Opposite Song - Danny Devillier, with Jesse Lalonde & Leah Graeff
2. Mummy - Hard Barfer
3. The Silhouette - The Moriarties
4. Swamp Thang - Dorian Phibian vs Swash Bucklin
5. One of Those Places - Bates Motel Players
6. Room 237 - The Jack Torrance Five
7. Tickle Monster - Ship Clock
8. Dying to Meet You - D Duo
9. Slip Into The Darkness (A Reluctant Vampire Ballad) - Alex V. Cook
10. Satan, Laughing, Spreads His Wings - Lipperskip

Monster Ballads III

There you sit, snug by the fire at home on a cold October's eve. Suddenly, the door flies open. You try to close it, but something stops you. Your heart begins to pound. Why can't you close it? Well, it appears that a pale, bony hand is holding it open. And who's body is attached to that horrid hand? That's an even scarier question. With trembling eyes you turn to see a figure cloaked in black, face obscured by shadow.

"May I come in?" the figure asks. It seems like it was actually a rhetorical question because it just floats right on in without waiting for your answer. 

"Doooooo yooooou have any coooooooooooooooooookies?" it groans. 

"O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-only f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-Fig Newtons," you stutter. 

"Ew! Well, that's okay, I drank a bunch of blood earlier so that should tide me over until dinner. Listen, you're probably wondering why I'm here."

"T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-to k-k-k-kill me?" 

"Kill you? Ha ha, whaaaat? You're paranoid, man. That's funny. 'Kill you.' No, I'm here to tell you to about Monster Ballads 3." 

 

Track Listing:
1.   D Is For Dracula - The Moriarties
2.   Gamera - Hard Barfer
3.   Color Me Blood Red - Mysterium of Sound
4.   The Vampire Song - Nathan Franklin
5.   A lament from Earth's greatest monsters - Patrick Gibbens
6.   Synthetic Mummy - Junior Cables
7.   Tree Heart - The Lagoons
8.   Silver Bullet Sunrise - Wizards of Boat
9.   Blood Is Life: A Tribute To The Bram Stoker's 'Dracula' Pinball Machine - Coffin Up Quarters
10. World of Evil - Ondine
11. Doing The Devil's Work - Boots Mouton & The Fucking Vampires
12. Frankenstein '94 - Buddusky
13. Big Mouth, Big Kiss - Ship Clock
14. In The Dark - Dominique
15. Suck My Dick! - Philatio
16. I Walk The Line - The Undead All-Stars
17. A Falcon Quill Dipped in My Enemies' Blood - Alex V. Cook
18. Impotent - Philippe Landry

Listen and download here:

Monster Ballads II

Presenting Monster Ballads II, another album full o' blood-curdling, spine-chilling, hair-raising, eye-spinning, tailbone-shattering, femur-spicing, foot-sharpening, belly button-acknowledging, fontanelle-remembering, vestigial wing-discovering songs for your Halloween listening pleasure.

Track Listing:

1. Ghoulie - The Undead All-Stars

2. Monster & Bride - Hard Barfer

3. Boris Karloff  - Secret Annexe

4. Wicked Cracks - Arabian Safari

5. Fashion Dagger - Dorian Phibian

6. Child of God - Buddusky

7. The Hard Food Monster Has a Baby - Sheeby and Groofy

8. Halloween Police - Dege Legg

9. Who Are You? What Are You Doing Here? - The Moriarties 

Listen and download here: